You like her

Photo by: Ryan Franco

You’ve spent some time talking with someone and you think you like her. Everyone wants to be liked and make a good impression but don’t overdo it. When you meet someone you like and feel you want to spend a little one-on-one time with her it’s only natural to put your best foot forward and you should. But first step back and ask your self why you are attracted to her. Are you both on the same wavelength?  Do you like the same things? You should not tell her things you think she wants to hear just so you can impress her. There’s nothing worse than after you have won her over and she figures out that you were not upfront about your likes and dislikes this will end a relationship and it will not be fun along the way. There is nothing more rewarding than getting together to do something you both enjoy.

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Live Every Day Like You Mean It

Getting out of the house is a good way to start. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be good to yourself. Go see a movie if you don’t want to interact with others right away, its OK! Go places that you went too together it may be hard but in time it will get easier and the sadness will turn into a fondness for good memories. How much time? Well, that all depends on how long it’s been and how soon you start. You may be thinking “I can’t do this at my age” or you may feel “people will think poorly of you”. If you are as lucky as me people encouraged me to start getting out after the first six months by suggesting I do something with my time so I don’t sit around feeling sorry for myself they even said my wife wouldn’t want me to be unhappy. You need to realize its OK for you to have your own life it’s like learning to walk again starting with small steps they take time but before you know it you will be taking bigger steps. The main thing to keep focused on is whatever you do does not in any way minimize or disrespect the life you had and the one you love. Remember it’s only you turning to a new chapter so make every day count and live it like you mean it.

 

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Making New Friends & Keeping The Old Ones

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

For whatever reason, some of your friends that are married and enjoyed getting together as couples will drift away. It is not because they don’t like you they do It’s just a different dynamic now, stay in touch regularly with them, have a lunch or dinner with them they want to stay in touch and care how you’re doing.

So how do you find more friends that are like minded and you have things in common with? I was very fortunate to have found a group within the Meetup community. Meetup is a social platform and was founded Following the September 11 attacks in 2001, the site’s co-founder Scott Heiferman publicly stated that the manner in which people in New York City came together in the aftermath of that traumatic event inspired him to use the Internet to make it easier for people to connect with strangers in their community. If you want to read about its history. click here or just go to Meetup.com you will have to register and its super easy and safe. Once you signed up and are logged in you can browse all the different groups within the distance you choose. Just type in what your interests are and read what they do and what they’re about. You can also see how members belong and the events they have. This is a very good resource and I highly commend it. If you have more questions about meetup before you sign up, leave it in the comments.

Local groups like the Lions, Moose lodges or eagles lodge are also a good way to get to know people. What I like about these groups is they are charity based and do good for the community. The reason I am suggesting to join something is whether you realize it or not you need to feel like you belong. Yes, you do.



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Everyone is gone and your on your own

This is as hard for me to write as it is for you to read but maybe I can clear up a few things to help guide you in your journey. I can remember thinking to myself and say “Now I have to send out the thank you…reply’s, read the condolences and finalize all of the unpleasant details”. You may find it hard to function at all, I know I did. If your lucky your children or close family relatives will help you and you need to let them its part of their grieving process as well. It is said that the 5 stages of grief and loss are: 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.

People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them. I seem to have experienced them all at the same time or at least #4 and #5 were at the same time and I don’t think I experienced #3 at all. Some lasted longer than others and I still have days that I ask the question Why?

Photo by Vincent van Zalinge on Unsplash

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Yes I’m going there and I’ve been there.

Yes, I’m going there and I’ve been there.

Now your alone and wondering What the hell happened, What do I do now? It sounds cold and I’m sorry but facts are facts. Find a local grief share group a lot of churches provide this to anyone or talk with friends, clergy or rabbi and tell them what you feel. The sooner the better. I found a grief share group and went two weeks after my wife passed away. Only you will know when and who to talk to but do it now! If you are having thoughts of suicide get in touch with some help.

Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours every day
Think of what your spouse would think of what you want to do. Think of the sadness your kids and loved ones will go through if you manage to pull it off.
Assuming you have decided to speak with someone good for you your on your way to turn to a new chapter in your life and that’s OK. It does not in any way change the life you had it’s just new and differed. In time you will not cry when you think of your previous chapters and will be able to talk about them with fondness and even smile.
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